I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
