sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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