So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
