She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
