Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
