I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
