You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
