bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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