She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
