I could make wine with my vomit
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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