We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They took my balls.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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