I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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