god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
