Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
