no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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