I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
