I just saw a hot homeless man
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
