Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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