no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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