Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
