oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
