just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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