i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize