you have to choose: penises or morals?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
