This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
