Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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