The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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