I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
