he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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