Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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