So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize