Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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