I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
