She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
