it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize