bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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