i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
