My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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