I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
