If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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