I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
