I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
