Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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