Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize