I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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