Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
