I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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