your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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