dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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