Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
