Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
