I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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