hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
