I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
