yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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