Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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