Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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