I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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