he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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