I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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