marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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