AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
